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Because the individual was expected to put the common good before his or her own interests the family unit was not strong. Marriage was not about love or even the transfer of property as was the case in the rest of the Hellenic words. As in the rest of Greece, young women in Lacedaemon could not select their bridegroom. However, unlike other city-states, families did not select young women’s husband but an official, performed this role. This was to ensure that Spartan couples could produce strong and healthy male children, for the good of the city-state. <ref>Cartledge, p 101</ref>
The male Spartan citizen did not live with his wife but in the barracks of Agoge <ref>Talbert, Richard. Plutarch on Sparta (London: Penguin Books, 2005), p 134</ref> The husband would typically sneak out of the barracks to visit his wife at night. This unusual family life was something that shocked the rest of Greece. The fact that Spartan women were not controlled by their husband or father meant that they had a great degree of freedom. They had more sexual freedom after their marriage and many classical writers assert that Spartan women were routinely unfaithful to their husbands. As a result, the legitimacy of many Spartan male heirs was a matter of controversy.<ref>Pomeroy, p 119</ref> Several Spartan kings were excluded from the throne because of claims that they were illegitimate.